Your letters

  Dyslexia Parents Resource

My son has often said to me that he is stupid and dumb because he cannot do certain things. I find that he is his own worst critic and enemy. It is difficult to improve his self esteem when he has these thoughts, it also impacts on his work, as he is too embarressed to put his hand up or try something himself incase he gets it wrong.

Another thing that bothers him is that he thinks everyone is laughing at him and in some cases it is true. He is conscious of what everyone is thinking of him, and often says that he wants to be like everyone else. No matter what I say to him, e.g. I say "That is excellent, Jason, because you have to work so much harder than anyone else", he still believes he is stupid. It is very sad at times. For the first three years of his schooling I had to almost drag him to school - this was before he was diagnosed. I just could not understand what was happening.

People used to ask me if he was alright as everyday he cried and panicked. He still cries on his first day of school each term; he is 9 years old and kids tease him as a result of this. He has told me that he just finds school so hard. Before he was diagnosed he used to cry at night and tell me that he wanted to kill himself which I found very unusual for a seven-year old boy. It is one of the things that really made me take things into my own hands, even though the school was insisting that things were fine and that they did not think he was dyslexic. Fortunately things are slowly changing for him. (L.H., New Zealand)

>>>You may find our confidence-building exercise helpful for your son. If he is still feeling suicidal, you should take him to a child therapist or family therapist.

A solution for dancing

My daughter is dyslexic. She is six years old and she wants to learn to dance. Her first dance class was a total confusion and a big disappointment for her. The teacher's instructions were always, 'Two to the right', 'Three to the left' or 'Move to your left/right'. She has come back home with a heavy heart and declared that she doesn't like to dance. She also had problems following directions such as clock-wise and counter-clock-wise.

After realizing that this was a characteristic of dyslexia, we came up with a simple solution. She wears a pink slipper on her right foot and a white one on the left. So her instructions can be like 'Two steps with the pink, three with the white'. She created quite a fashion! Now some of her friends also wear mismatched slippers. Her teacher was very understanding and now my daughter loves to dance. (N.M.R., North Carolina, USA)

Passing information to my son's teacher

Over the past year I have done a lot of research about Dyslexia on the Internet and bought books to read. A lot of my research I have done was to pass onto my sons’ teacher, whenever he was having a certain difficulty with a subject I would be straight onto the Internet looking it up and finding different ways of doing the activity that might click for him. I’m sure over the past year I have given her a full ream of information from what is dyslexia? - How to help them with maths/English. Do I think it has helped? All I can say is, only a little! But a little is better than nothing.

The only reason my son does better than he was, in school is because I have to be there to make sure he is getting one on one help – mostly from me! I have a file on my computer labelled “Dyslexia”, all my information gets stored in there for future reference or to copy for someone else, which I have had to do. In one case I got pulled up at my sons school by a parent asking if I could find some information for her to give to her child’s teacher about Dyslexia. I also have a few sites stored in my Favourites list so I can go straight to them when I need to. (D.S., Queensland, Australia)

 

Dyslexia - the unspeakable diagnosis?

Despite the tremendous amount of literature, research, and resources concerning dyslexia, I am baffled by the seeming inability of school professionals to use the simple term of "dyslexia" when dealing with children with that particular learning disability.

It was even mentioned in one of these discussions that school teachers are "not allowed" to use this word, and told to use other equally defining terms. I am still waiting for at least one professional in my son's school to have the courage to verbalize the word. I don't buy the "we don't want to label" argument in a setting that requires an accurate diagnosis in order to provide an appropriate education. I also don't buy the "well, we just don't like to use it because it's just a greek word which means difficulty in reading".

There is just too much scientific data to show that dyslexia is a specific neurological condition. Since an accurate diagnosis is so very important in order to secure appropriate educational methodologies, why does this dysfuntional attitude persist amongst professionals? And more importantly, how many children struggle through school because the school doesn't want to diagnose dyslexia? (Sue, Shr7580@aol.com, USA)

 

Extra time in exams

In University my son is allowed to take tests in a separate room from the rest of the class and with a 50% longer time limit. This changes his test results from ZERO to 80% and 90%. He did even better with no time limit at all though he never actually used too much more time than the rest of the class in their conventional test settings. I have learned from this that just knowing there is a time limit itself inhibits and can paralyze people who know it takes them longer than others to read and process the questions and then to formulate and write the answers! (L.B., USA)

 

Teacher 'turned his life around'

My 12 year old had a teacher last year who turned his life around. She saw past the difficulties in his reading and writing and encouraged him to feel good about himself. Some of the motivational strategies she used were very basic and innovative. During class time she utilized her observance of his willingness to help others. She took what was a negative, his reading and writing, and had him help others that were struggling in the same area. In the process he felt the need to learn more so he could help others. The teacher placed him in an occupational therapy group that worked directly with his lower motor skills. His handwriting improved and his people skills also followed suit. He learned to feel good about helping others and in the process he excelled for the first time in his life scholastically. (D. W., Arizona)

 

I am now a cadet pilot

I have been subscribed to the World of Dyslexia newsletter by e-mail to my hotmail account for the past year. The reason that I am writing to you is to commend your on your fantastic efforts to to help children and adults alike in their quest to recognize to deal with dyslexia.
I myself have dyslexia and discovering it was probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. It is great to see the learning resources available for children, parents, teacher and employers alike. The dyslexia? Well, like I said, that's the best thing that ever happened to me, as it taught me a lot about myself and gave me the motivation to spread my wings - quite literally as I am now a cadet pilot for an airline. (I used to bumble from one thing to the next). Keep up the good work!! (G. W., Australia)

The school will not address the problem . . .

I have a 7 year old son who is having problems with reading. He has been to a Learning Center (that didn't help). I was told that he could possibly be dyslexic. I have had numerous conversations with his principle and teacher, all to no avail. It seems he couldn't be screened for dyslexia at school until he reaches the 2nd grade and I couldn't request that he be tested for a reading disability until he failed the 1st grade or until he got into the 2nd grade because "there is still room for improvement while a child is in the 1st grade" and the test would not benefit him right now.

As of 2 days ago, school has recessed for the summer and they (his 1st grade teacher and the principle) have decided it would be best for him to be retained in the 1st grade. He had a B in all his other subjects (including math). My son is very insecure and he is to the point he hates to go to school. I believe this is a big mistake making him stay in the 1st grade. I feel that the school should be willing to address the problem and help with it instead of trying to pass the buck onto someone else. (D. T., Alabama)

Hearing my son read

My son would regularly shy away from reading whenever he could. Reading always left him feeling emotional and frustrated. I decided to try to take the pressure off him by following the suggestion of not allowing him to struggle with any difficult words. Whenever he got stuck on a word, I would quickly tell him what the word was, so he could continue with the story. Admittedly, initially I probably ended up reading most of the story, but at least this stopped him becoming upset and frustrated. Reading has now become a pastime that we both enjoy, a time for sharing and talking about what we had both just read. We can now get to the end of our reading session feeling relaxed and happy. As time has gone on, I now find that my son is more willing to have a go, simply because there is no pressure. If he gets a word wrong, he knows that I'll quickly tell him the word without any fuss and we will move on with the story. (G.H., Leicestershire, UK).

. . . non-verbal reasoning score of 130 . . .

I am a mom who has seen my dyslexic son suffer at the hands of the state system. Diagnosed late, he was at the top middle school in our area, who are only interested in being top of the league tables: children with learning difficulties cramp their style. I watched my son become more and more depressed as his year there progressed until he said he wished he was not alive: he hates his life, pulling plastic bags over his head, etc. etc. It was agony for us all. He is bright with a non-verbal reasoning score of 130 but very poor literacy skills. Our education authority do not recognize the 'gap' only what the child produces, so my son was not eligible for a statement. I guess he might have been had we stayed and fought for one due to his deteriorating mental health, but we as a family could not continue the struggle without putting the family at further risk - we were already at breaking point. I have had to send him to a private school to get his needs met. The state system certainly let my child down and we have all been to hell and back in the meantime.

. . . now in a full-fledged battle . . .

I appreciate all the information that you had given me when I originally wrote to ask you about specific tests for dyslexia. We are now in a full-fledged battle with our eight-year old daughter's school district, just to be able to get her tested properly. It appears, as we are just learning, that there are more than a few special educators who would prefer to believe that dyslexia does not exist. I have spent the past two months filing for "due process" after the school handed us an automatic denial of evaluation at a planning meeting, and well after our written request, and in spite of substantial teacher input and worsening grades. We are learning now just how to begin to protect our daughter's rights while trying to correct the school district's open policy of breaking the law, and in our daughter's regard. I'm shocked now to discover that there are thousands and thousands of families going through the same nightmare!

Pokemon helped!

I believe that Pokemon helped our son improve his reading by one grade level in less then a year. He has slowed down, however, the interest in Harry Potter is growing.. Our son is in 5th grade. (Val, Mom of one dyslexic, wife of the other (USA)

Help for a three-and-a-half year old?

We think our son is dyslexic. He is only three and a half but unfortunately our doctor does not share our views. Would it be possible to be put in contact with other families with children of the same age that are dyslexic that may be able to help us. Thanks in advance for your help.
Peter and Lorraine Burgess (peter@vipar.net)

. . . crawling and patterning. . .

We spent a year doing crawling and patterning exercises when he was about 11. I'm not sure they helped. (P.K., Maine, US)

>>> I have heard the same kind of reports fom other parents. It seems that there is a short-lived gain, but that the effects do not appear to lead to long-term progress.

. . . gave a talk on dyslexia . . .

I've only just discovered this site. My 9-yr old dyslexic son had to give a talk to the class. He chose to talk about dyslexia and started: "What do Walt Disney, Richard Branson and me have in common? - No we're not all millionaires . . . yet, but we do all have dyslexia. And so it went on. The teacher was so impressed! And with his peers my son was the hero for many weeks. (Proud mom, UK)

7-year old son . . .

I have a 7-year old son and he has been tested by the school: they say that he has learning disabilities, ADD, and dyslexia, but yet, he is not failing enough to get special services! He has trouble with spelling, writing, and math. I have a brother that had trouble in school too; also my husband's brother had problems. I can't seem to get the school to help my son and I am at my wit's end. Can you please give me some advice about what to do?

>>> It does sound as if your son should be receiving additional support in school. You might like to have him take the online Dyslexia Test 7-16. You can show the report to the school as an independent assessment of his learning disability, and this should be enough to galvanize the school into some action!

Are most dyslexic people left-handed?

I've been wondering this for a while, are most dyslexic people left-handed or right-handed? Or does it even make a difference?

>>> Not all dyslexic people are left-handed by any means. However, left-handedness is often present among members of their blood-related family. There are many indicators of dyslexia, and left-handedness occurs fairly frequently, but not in every case. The most common type of dyslexia is inherited, and a history of learning difficulties - especially on the male side of the family - is fairly common. If the cause of the dyslexia is from early ear infections or shortage of oxygen to the brain at birth, then left- or right-handedness is not a significant indicator.

Make dyslexia a disability

I understand how frustrated parents feel about school districts recognizing dyslexia. Our daughter's school kept saying it was a medical condition. I have had to visit the school twice now. This last time I visited with the principal and an area education administrator. I absolutely am not going to accept the way they teach my child. I told them that if they would change the special ed. teaching it would benefit all special ed. teachers. The school year is almost over, but we cannot let our children down. I believe half of the nation's crime and the school shootings are related to children feeling frustrated. What does it take? I have e-mailed the president asking him to make dyslexia a disability, so that our schools are forced to listen and adhere. (Linette, USA)
(I hope other parents do the same - Ed.)

Teachers didn't notice the problem

I have a son who is thirteen years old. He has had trouble with writing and spelling since he started school aged four. I have lost count of the number of times I have spoken to his teachers about his difficulty with writing and spelling. Each time I got the same answer from them. "He is very bright but does not try hard enough.
Last September when he started in secondary school, his Christmas school report was an eye-opener. In science technology, technical drawing and computers he got 85-95%. However in English, Irish (which is compulsory) and French he only got 20-35%.
Again I contacted his teachers. They said he was well able to do his school work but he was lazy and his writing was terrible. When I asked if he could have extra classes I was told it was not necessary - that he should try harder. I did his homework with him every night but it made no difference, he would spend twenty minutes learning to spell four words and in a few minutes he would have forgotten them.
In April this year he came home from school one day and asked if he could do remedial classes in English. He said he knew what he wanted to say in his head but found he could not transfer his thoughts to paper, it just did not come out right. I again spoke to his English teacher and his headmaster this time. I insisted that he was referred to an educational psychologist, although they still maintained he was just lazy.
I was told the result of his assessment yesterday: he has a very high IQ of 121. However the results also showed that he has severe dyslexia. The psychologist does not know how it was not spotted in primary school. He thinks that because he is so intelligent he was able to cover it up. My heart goes out to him. Why did I not insist on him being tested earlier? Why didn't any of his teachers notice the problem? He was not lazy, he worked very hard to cover up his dyslexia. God, I feel so guilty. Now I have to contact the department of education and the school: he will be exempt from Irish, he will have extra tuition, extra time to do his exams and it may be possible for him to do some of his subjects through audio tape. My message to any parent who thinks their child is having difficulty with writing and spelling is to follow your instincts and insist that your child be tested. There is help available, I only wish I had acted sooner. (M.P., Ireland)

>>> Thank you for your moving letter. I'm really glad things worked out well in the end. Pity it wasn't sooner, though!

. . . 8-year old son may be dyslexic . . .

I think that my son who is nearly 8 may be dyslexic. He is very aware and bright on a verbal scale but is not achieving at school. He is very disorganized and has trouble with expressing himself as his words tend to get jumbled. He uses past tense for present, etc. He also writes a lot of reversed letters and numbers, but his school says this is quite common. His school thinks he has more of an emotional problem as he is very shy and introvert within the school setting yet he is the joker at home!! Could you send some information regarding this?

>>> From your description of your son it certainly does sound as if he may be dyslexic, particularly because of the difference between his intelligence and his actual achievement. The reversals and being disorganized can also be indicators in some children, and it is interesting that he jumbles his words when speaking. As far as the school's comments are concerned, it might be that he is beginning to experience failure within the school setting, and is becoming shy and introverted in response to this. I would recommend an assessment for dyslexia.

Achievement tests

Kids are being held back due to results on achievement tests being given in the schools. I think this 'No Child Left Behind' is a scam. The North Carolina End of Grade Tests are discriminatory in my opinion, and I have complained all the way up to Raleigh. The EOGs only test reading and math skills and they are strictly timed, covering a period of an entire week. We were told that if a child can never be successful at the EOGs, that they would not receive a "real" high school diploma, but some kind of substitute.

Also, kids are being held back in the 3rd and 8th grades because these are "gateways." Then if that isn't pressure enough, there is a 4th and 7th grade creative writing test where the kids are given a prompt and then have 30 minutes to write an essay. I know some teachers who couldn't even write the essay in 30 minutes!! Parents are becoming very angry. It seems that the only way around the beaurocracy is via homeschooling which is why the number of homeschools in North Carolina reported an 800% increase in the past ten years. I think some other form of testing needs to be done to accommodate the dyslexic students, one that gives them a chance to succeed and show off their talents. It shouldn't be timed and, if necessary, should be administered orally. (T.M., NC, USA)

. . . send him to a specialist school?

My son is 7 years old and he was recently diagnosed as dyslexic. I have a family history of learning disabilities - my brother and my cousin from my mother's side of the family. There are no left-handed family members that I know of. Currently my son goes to the regular local school and he is not doing well. He will be entering first grade and I don't think he will be able to keep up with the other children. He writes very slowly and never completes a topic. I am thinking of transferring him to a school that caters for children with learning disabilities. Do you think that I am doing the right thing?

>>> The decision to send your son to a special school is a difficult one, as he would have to start building a new social circle. The best place for a dyslexic child is usually in a normal (mainstream) school, with special services being provided by the school to help keep him up to the average level for his age-group. How does he feel about it? It might be quite traumatic changing schools because of his learning difficulty, and he could regard it as a punishment.

. . . watching her struggle is heart-breaking

I have a daughter aged 17 who is bright but often seems quite vague. She was slow to master reading but finally mastered it at about age 12. She still has huge problems with spelling to the extent that she spends hours every day on her homework. We have bought her a 'Dragon Naturally Speaking' voice recognition program for her computer but its response is so variable that she spends hours correcting its mistakes every night. Her hand writing is quite scrawly, but usually fairly phonetic and inconsistent. Both of her parents are successful and are graduates, but both have trouble with "left and right". Her mother is not a good speller but gets by. Her father is a slow reader but also gets by. One of her uncles is left handed. We have tried many treatments including the crawling, cross-crawling exercises, etc. They did not have a noticeable effect. She hates these exercises and now refuses to do them. It is also a constant struggle to get her to sit upright and 'square' to the desk when working. Is there anything that you can suggest? She is desperate to do well in life but watching her struggle with her disability is heart breaking.

>>> Some of the indicators of dyslexia include a history of learning difficulties in the (blood-related) family, confusion over left and right, and left-handedness in the family. However, on their own these are not conclusive. It does sound as if there is a possibility that your daughter may be dyslexic, and this can be clarified if she has a proper assessment.
I would relax a bit about her sitting upright at her desk or table, as dyslexic readers often use odd angles for reading and writing. It has to do with overcoming difficulties with tracking the text and writing. Like color blindness, dyslexia is a life-long disability: there's no 'cure' for it. The best approach is for the person to find alternative learning styles which work for them.

Pocket spellchecker

I have recently purchased a pocket spellchecker to use with my son. It is very easy to use, and at the age of 8 years, he has picked up very quickly how it works. Sometimes my son finds it difficult to hear and make out the correct sounds in a word that he is trying to spell, so it is important that I work with him to make sure that he is able to get the initial sounds near enough for the spellchecker to make sense of what he is trying to spell.

The good thing about a spellchecker is that it never responds to an incorrect spelling by callously saying "YOU ARE WRONG!". It just tactfully offers you a list of options of all the words similar to what you have keyed in. Hopefully the word that you are looking for is in the list.

My son enjoys using his spellchecker as he feels that it is helping him with his learning. When he has his weekly spellings to learn from school, he sometimes practises them on his spellchecker, as he feels it is much more fun to practise them in this way, rather than writing them down.

If I gave my son a normal printed dictionary, he would be overwhelmed before he even opened it. Using a spellchecker has encouraged him to have a go to see if he can spell a word correctly for himself. I will continue to allow him to use the spellchecker, although at this stage of his learning, I would prefer to work with him whilst he uses it, giving him support and subtle guidance, so as to avoid frustration if he is unable to find the word that he is looking for. (G.H., Leictestershire, UK).

. . . you feel so helpless

My son has dyslexia and what a struggle we had most of his life. When he was in kindergarten I noticed something different and had him tested. He is now 21 and will be 22 March 3rd., a junior at ......... University in ........, IL. The university has a special program called H.E.L.P. for dyslexic students. Fantastic program. Each student has a private tutor for each class and is required to meet with this tutor. One thing which helped my son also, was the Sylvin Learning Center. He struggled through school and finally when he was in the 10th grade we enrolled him with Sylvin. He was reading on a 2nd. grade level and when he graduated from high school he was reading on a 7th. grade level. He currently has a "C" average in Computer Science and has regained his self-esteem. For a parent, it's so hard to see your child struggle and you feel so helpless. Thank goodness the education system has awakened and there is better help. We still need to improve understanding among the education system !

However, we have made a bigger stride since my son began school. We found one thing which helped: He and I would get up every morning around 5:00am, I would read each of his texts into a cassette and he would listen while looking at the pages.

Its terrible, but as a parent I had such a struggle myself trying to learn more about dyslexia and the rights of people with learning disabilities. Once we found out he could have his test read to him his grades improved because one of his problems not only is reading but getting it from his brain to his hand - but he can tell you the answers!

He has great friends at university and is learning he really can do whatever he decides to do as long as he works at it. I can't say enough about Sylvin Learning Centers and the university's H.E.L.P. program - Pass it on!
(H.D., Illinois)

 

I am continually amazed . . .

My 8-year old has dyslexia and I am continually amazed at how little our school district knows about this learning disorder. Doesn't she have a right to a public education as all other kids? If so, why do none of her teachers know anything about dyslexia. How can they effectively teach her when they don't even care enough to learn anything about her learning style? Will this ever change, or is her remaining life as a student going to be filled with frustration and anxiety? I am ready to contact the governor's office. Why does our state ignore this disorder, while other states like Texas actively seek these kids out and provide assistance? (S. R., USA)

 

I noticed that I am also dyslexic . . .

Guiding our son, I noticed to my great surprise that I am also dyslexic, just as he is. I am a language teacher, so you can imagine how great my surprise was at discovering this after having been teaching for 17 years. I did manage to get my son to enjoy reading. I love reading myself and used to read a lot with him. I used to read aloud. What also encouraged him is watching movies related to books. Now in High School he enjoys reading the good books I think he will like. What really did me good was that one day he mentioned that reading can be as thrilling as watching a good movie. My advice to parents is not to give up and try to encourage children as much as possible. Even their reading is slower than that of other children. You should never discourage them. I read the same books he does and when I notice that the slow reading gets him down, I read for him, just to speed up the story a bit. He's getting good marks in literature. I now help other dyslexic children from his school as well. I enjoy helping them. (P. T., Curacao, Netherlands Antilles)

 

because I was a single mom . . .

Every parent-teacher conference that I had for my daughter at school, they would try and pin my daughter’s reading problems on me, because I was a single mom. Her dad, who is dyslexic and who I divorced when she was just two years old, abandoned her. I read to her every night, and had her in Montessori pre-schools, so I know it was not a lack of parenting. I would explain to her teachers that her father is dyslexic. I would ask them if they could test her to see if she was, too. They would just look at me and say, There is no such thing as a test for that. I knew differently. It has taken six years now for them to finally admit that my daughter is dyslexic. I also asked one of the administrators of our school district about special programs for dyslexic kids, and her answer to me was that there is nothing we can do for them, because of the differences in brain function, they have to figure it out on their own. (J.O., Utah)

Our website

• Dyslexia Parents Resource • DYSLEXIA INFORMATION new! • Dyslexia Symptoms • Schools • Dyslexia Treatment • Research • Your letters new! • FAQs • Testing and Assessment • Math/s • Teenagers and Dyslexia • FREE Dyslexia Magazine new! • Grade Retention • IEPs and the IDEA (USA) • Statement of Special Needs (UK) • Bullying • Local Contacts • Dyslexia Helpline and Discussion Forums • Dyslexia Books • Dyslexia Newsletter • Dyslexia in adults • Dyslexia News and Research • Site map

Join our mailing list
Type your e-mail address accurately to receive occasional newsletters (Your e-mail address is confidential, and will not be given to any other organisation): Click here to join or to leave