Improving a Dyslexic Child's Self-confidence

The thing about dyslexia is that it is not a visible ‘disability’, like having a broken arm or leg. Teachers can have little understanding of why a child may be having difficulty writing or reading when at other tasks that child might be very capable.

Children can find themselves told they are being lazy or not concentrating. They can be pigeon-holed into not being one of the ‘good children’ who always get asked to read their work out in assemblies, or have their neat work displayed on the classroom walls.

All these small overlookings can chip away at a dyslexic child’s self-esteem. These children who are routinely ignored cannot but help compare themselves to all the ‘clever’ children around them who get certificates of achievement.

My son didn’t get a single certificate in 18 months at school, despite being very bright and extremely kind. He was never chosen to read out his work, whereas some girls were chosen many times. In the final play in his last year at that school he was given the part of the dog and only had to say ‘woof’! He didn’t seem to mind, but it hardly gave him a
sense of challenge and achievement.

My husband is also dyslexic and was told at school that he was thick. Hopefully this is a rare experience but it is common for dyslexic children to feel very low self confidence when people around them seem to be able to find work easy.

If schools don’t seem to recognise any talents outside of the narrow academic ones then it is important to recognize them at home. Treats or outings could be awarded for kind behaviour, clearing away toys, trying hard at something, building a tower, excellence in sport or music.

‘Positive strokes’ can help to restore a positive self-image. Children can learn to be confident in who they are and not just see themselves negatively because they can’t spell or read very fast. With help they can come to realise that everyone has strengths and weaknesses and helping to point out their strengths is a valuable exercise.

I did a confidence building exercise with my son who is 12. He was asked to list ‘Things I am good at’ and ‘Things I have had difficulty doing up til now’.

Things I am good at:
Math, Science, Gaming (computers), Tennis, Basketball, K’bots and Lego building, Memorizing things, Being funny, Coming up with catchphrases, Good friend, Making up games, Hypnotising my rabbit by cradling it like a baby(!), good imagination, inventing things, Solving problems, Racing remote-controlled cars, Explaining things to my 5-year old brother, Being friendly, Very polite, Organised, Quick learner, Thoughtful, Kind, Give money to charity, Being enterprising and raising money for charity.

Things I have had difficulty with up till now:

PE, Writing, Reading, Spelling, Being myself at school, Being accepted at school, Remembering to put on my eczema cream.

What was interesting about this exercise was how he put things in the ‘difficult’ column straight away but had trouble filling up the list of things he was good at. I feel that it was an indicator of his lack of self confidence that he couldn’t think of things.

But once it was done he could see that there were many more things he can do well than can’t, and that would be the case for lots of people. We are going to put the
list on his wall so that it will help him remember and to help foster a more positive self image.

Following on from this idea of how a dyslexic child might see themselves is the technique called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). It is based on the idea that the way we see ourselves, and the way we understand ourselves, may be INACCURATE.

E.g., an intelligent child may not believe that they are.
Some CBT may help the dyslexic child to readjust a negative picture they have of themselves and to build a more positive one. Input from the parent and teacher may be very powerful in this.

Children may also need factual evidence to help reconstruct a positive picture in their mind. It may be very helpful for a dyslexic child to know some facts about dyslexia so that they don’t just think of it as their problem.

For example:

Dyslexia is a learning style that some people are born with – you cannot cause it.

There is nothing wrong with you if you have dyslexia – you just need a different learning method.

Many famous and successful people have/ had dyslexia.

Dyslexia affects everyone differently. Some people have difficulty reading, for example, some do not.

There are significant strengths associated with dyslexia eg. Creative thinking, seeing patterns in data, focussing intently on a task, musical talents.

People don’t grow out of dyslexia. You can learn techniques for accommodating it into your life.

There needn’t be anything you can’t do!

The above facts may help a dyslexic child gain some perspective on the term ‘dyslexia’ and not to associate it with negative labels. This will help their self confidence as they realise that they may find some things tricky but can find techniques to learn their way. They might
even begin to recognise that their dyslexia makes them shine in other areas.

They may also benefit from a few specific things that a parent or teacher can do:

1. Provide appropriate instruction to achieve real success. (Don’t struggle on trying to learn in ways that don’t suit the child – help them to fly!)

2. Listen to their concerns and create opportunities where students can talk freely and openly about their feelings and concerns.

3. Spend more time on areas they are strong at in order to give encouragement amongst the despondency that can come from trying to do written work.

4. Praise their efforts as well as their achievements.

5. Help them set realistic goals.

6. Make sure the student understands about his/ her own learning style. Ask what they know about dyslexia and talk about the facts.

It may take time for them to absorb the reality of how dyslexia affects them, but hopefully it will help them to see that none of it is their fault, that they are not thick or lazy, and that they have many strengths

Rebecca Abrey
November 2011

.• Frequently Asked Questions About Dyslexia