Dealing with bullying

  Dyslexia Parents Resource

Almost every dyslexic child suffers from bullying at some stage in their schooling, and, combined with the difficulties they experience with spelling, writing and reading, being bullied can have a devastating effect on their self-confidence and achievement.

If you hear a teacher say that bullying is not a problem in their school, then you can be sure that the teacher has not yet learned to become aware of what is going on among the children in the classrooms and in the yard/playground.

Bullying has now been more widely studied, and is known to cause depression or even suicidal feelings, with a resulting drop in a child's learning curve.

Bullying need not necessarily take the form of physical attacks, but may be verbal. It may include such things as being called an unpleasant nickname by other children, being not spoken to by other children, being told that they smell nasty, and so forth.

Bullying is equally harmful to the person being bullied as to the person doing the bullying. This child may learn to enjoy a sense of power over others and may continue to bully as an adult in the workplace.

If a dyslexic child appears to be low in spirits, or to be on their own in the yard/playground, it is important to enquire whether they are being bullied. Sometimes they may be reluctant to speak out as they fear further reprisals from the bully.

However, if they are asked when one or two of their friends are present, this may result in their friends saying what is really happening. This will allow the whole matter to come out into the open, and usually the child being bullied experiences a great sense of relief.

At this stage it is important that an experienced teacher takes over the situation. The teacher needs to speak to both the child doing the bullying and to the child being bullied, and often to their parents.

Bullying should never be ignored, and any teacher who thinks that there is no bullying happening in his or her school is living in cloud cuckoo land!

Personal appearance has been found to play a crucial role in avoiding bullying - in the report of a UK 5-year study on the subject.

Five Do's and Don'ts are listed, after interviews with 5,000 teenagers who have been the victims of bulling:

• Your appearance matters. Make eye contact, stand up straight with your head high, speak in a strong voice, wash your hair and body, and do not wear clothes that make you look as though you are ashamed of your body.

• Bullies want attention. If ignoring them is not possible, try ignoring what they say and talking about something else instead. For example, the bully says: 'Why are you so fat?' The victim looks wretched and says nothing. The coper replies: 'Where did you get those great shoes?'

• Find some good things about the bully. The way you feel about them affects your body language too. Don't, for example, say: 'They are mean and horrible and I hate them.' Instead, acknowledge that they are good at sports.

• Be careful with humor. Laughing at the bully will escalate the trouble, not diffuse it. Try a joke at your own expense instead. For example, the bully says: 'Why are you so fat?' The victim says: 'Have you tried looking at yourself in a mirror recently?' The coper says: 'I have no idea. I limit myself to six bars of chocolate a day maximum!'

• Understand that bullies are people like you. They are coping with what life has thrown at them. The way you respond could show them other positive ways of coping.

One of my students who I teach in Further Education has shared her experiences of her school days with me. She was bullied from as soon as she started school at the age of 5, until her parents withdrew her and sent her to an alternative school at the age of 10.

The bullying was mainly because she was deaf and therefore wore a hearing aid.

She is also dyslexic, which was not really accepted at her school as a genuine “reason” for not being able to achieve what her peers were achieving. She was prescribed purpled tinted glasses, which she admitted did help her, but never wore because of being made to feel different.

When she and her parents complained to the school, they had an attitude of “We can’t always be there and watch what is going on”.

The other members of the class/school were never spoken to about the effects of bullying on this pupil. Because of the lack of support, it was the pupil that had to move schools and face making new friends, when she already had a very low self esteem of herself.

All she wanted was for it to stop.

Alison Tyler

Francis came to school about one and half year’s back. He was a very good-looking boy. He was the center of attraction especially by the girls of his class. However, within a few days everyone started to ridicule him or avoid him completely because they felt he was stupid. He was considered the beauty without the brains. Their attitude towards made him very upset and un-able to concentrate on his work because he was very sensitive. He was so upset that he had tears in his eyes which he was trying very hard to hide.

I had a long chat with him discussing his feelings and everything that was happening with him. The school pastoral co-ordinator, his mother, the school counselor, and myself had a meeting to clear up the air. Thereafter the school counselor had a talk with the students who were bullying him. All these efforts helped; however I think the student’s willingness to carry on and succeed made all the difference.

L.T., Mauritius

At BB's last school in Australia he was bullied and disliked going to school. He cried every day after school and felt very upset and depressed. BB was bullied because he was not as good at writing and drawing as other children. He was called “slow, an idiot, a loser and dumb”. He also is a very gentle child and due to the lack of his physical strength he did like playing football with the other boys at lunchtime. He was then made a target by other boys. His parents spoke to his teacher several times however she was most disinterested and made no effort to sort out the problem. His mother then went and spoke to the Head and Assistant Head Teachers and advised them that there wouild be serious consequences if the bullying did not stop. The school Head and Assistant Head Teachers were very supportive and proactive and they were surprised they had not been alerted about the incidences. Within a week the bullying stopped and BB felt safe in the school and started to enjoy school again. .

The Head Teacher was advised by BB who the bullies were and each one was addressed by the Head Teacher. They ensured that one of the bullies never sat next to BB in class and was not allowed to play in an area where BB was playing. The head teacher advised that he would escort BB at playtimes if he felt safer that way if not, he would escort the bullies at playtimes as well. This pressure on the bullies that they were constantly watched made it less interesting for them to bully and the bullying stopped.

S.B., Hampshire, UK

“Maybe I’m just different!”
This is what my son said when I asked him if he knew of a reason for other boys in his class hitting him and calling him names. We found out at a routine appointment with his psychologist. The teachers had mentioned that A was using bad language and calling other boys in his class names. He was disrupting the class and this was most evident immediately after lunch. A was then getting into trouble for this but he did not confide in anyone the reason for his behavior. We mentioned this to the psychologist and then A told us what was happening. It was suggested that next time it happened that A was to get away from the bullies and go and stand beside a teacher or supervisor. He was also to ignore what they were saying or doing. He was reluctant to do this at first but he found out that it worked. Sadly, the teachers took no action against the bullies and showed no understanding of the situation.

C.R., Northern Ireland

• Circle Time - a well tried classroom technique which can provide opportunities for bullying to come out into the open and be discussed and resolved.

• Bullying in schools and what to do about it - information that will help people to understand more about bullying in schools and how it can be stopped.

• Anti-bullying cards - A range of differentiated anti-bullying questions that cover many relevant issues, this little stack of cards contains over 75 anti-bullying themed questions. (About half-way drown the page, along with other anti-bullying materials.)

• Bully Online - 'the world's largest Internet resource on workplace bullying and related issues.'

• Bullying At School - issues of bullying stem from research conducted in the 1990s into bullying in schools and the effectiveness of various approaches to its prevention.

• Bullying Online - Help and advice for parents who are tackling bullying. We explain, step by step, how to tackle the problem and what happens if you take legal action. Don't forget!! you can always email us for more help or advice. National Survey on Bullying (UK).

• Anti-bullying Network

• Maine Project Against Bullying - Bullying among primary school age children has become recognized as an antecedent to more violent behavior in later grades. Statistics on violence in our country tell a grim story with a clear message. Action is needed to end purposeful harassment , and bullying. The studies that have been done on the issue of bullying in this country and abroad have contributed to a growing body of knowledge that underscores the seriousness of the problem of bullying in schools.

• Are You Being Bullied? - Bullying has always been a problem. Since the dawn of time there have been pigtails pulled, kneecaps kicked and chairs pulled out from behind unfortunate kids. But today the problem seems to have escalated and as people become more free and easy in their ways of living, their bullying tactics become more severe.